i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
