She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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