happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Randomize
