I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
