2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
