Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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