Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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