dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
