well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize