My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
try to milk me bitch
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