no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm just crazy horny about you
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
