i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Drunk is not a location!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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