hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
