Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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