So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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