She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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