It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
