It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
