Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize