So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
