u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
