I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
one might say we're banned from that church
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
