Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
