just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
