Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
