Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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