Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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