nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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