I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
