so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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