I want to stick my p in your. b.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The adults are the big ones right?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
