she was so not down for the gang bang
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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