is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
