This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
