Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
