I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My orgasm happened in two different decades
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
