she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
