do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
