I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
