I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
