$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
