it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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