i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
