i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
