I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
