I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
