but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
