yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
