I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There r osticjed everywhere
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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