You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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