if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize