so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
