My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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