it hurts more in the daytime
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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