Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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