Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
