Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
