he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i dont even know how to be here
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
