So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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