i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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