he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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