Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
